everythingfornothing

I had been up to Hume every summer for years. The weather the week I would visit would be warm, perfect, but the day I arrived, there was a downpour of rain. “Hm, it's summer, why is it raining like this?” I asked myself as I pulled into main camp. I walked into the snack shop to check in and met my Resident Director for the summer, Christa. “Hi, Kat! It's so good to finally meet you! Here's your orientation packet, your name tag and housing information is inside! If you have any questions, or need help unpacking, feel free to ask!” You could tell she was a sorority girl, which was made even more obvious by her shorts th

It had been five years since that night. The pain of losing Joshua still hurt me, every time I thought of him, every time something reminded me of him. A part of me felt like he was just away on leave, that he didn't have Internet access, and that I would hear from him soon. A smaller part of me, that I kept trying to repress, whispered the truth in my ear at the most inconvenient moments. Five years. So much changes in five years. I hadn't seen Marty since graduation, dealing with my mourning was too much for him. Sometimes I regret letting him go. He was good for me. I haven't been able to keep a relationship since then. On the other hand,

It was one week until Christmas. I had put off shopping, or joining in festivities. I still couldn't fathom that this would be my first Christmas without him here. I had stayed locked up in my room, only going out when I knew there was no one around. Everyone thought my grief was long overdo, especially since everyday Marty had called, or came to see me, and I looked through him as if he wasn't even there. I knew, now, that no matter how much I loved Marty, how much I was willing to sacrifice for him, he'd never mean the same to me as Joshua did. Joshua was my best friend. I loved him more than life, "us" just never seemed right. But, I knew

I woke up three days later, the day of the funeral. After my blackout, I had been taken to the hospital. The doctors told me that I was expecting. This was possibly as big of a shock to me as Joshua shooting himself. "Today's the day." I thought as I got out of bed. I had ignored everyone since Sunday night. I didn't know how I was expecting myself to make it through the day. I had four hours until the funeral. I knew that I'd have to see his family, his mom, his dad, his sister, even his brother. I knew his ex would be there with Emily. I knew that by now Stephanie and Misty knew something was wrong. The doctors had kept his death out of the